Unworthiness is a defence mechanism

When you feel stuck in life, it can seem impossible to find your way out. It's probably a good time to do a contemplative life audit so you can see things more clearly and throw out the things that are no longer working for you. Quite often, unworthiness is one of the main culprits that keep you stuck, wheel spinning and wondering why you're not going anywhere. We don't usually realise how much of a hold it has on us and more importantly how much we're holding on to it. When you are using unworthiness as a comfort blanket it's a defence mechanism. Having low expectations of yourself and life can be a symptom. You don't think you deserve any better because you're unworthy. You settle for the first thing that comes along. Accepting your lot feels like the safest thing to do. You can't get hurt if you have…

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Why do I get everything wrong? ALL THE TIME!!!

Are you one of those people who spends a lot of their time wondering why everything always goes wrong? You try your very best yet you still can't seem to avoid hitting the fan or pissing people off? Newsflash: That's not what it's about, you're not here to bend over backward trying to please other people. We are a society so obsessed with compliance and conformity that we rarely stop and think about who people are as individuals and the toll it takes on our mental health. The focus needs to change. You're here to become the best version of yourself, to find the greatest contribution you can make to this earth. But since you've probably been taught otherwise for most of your life, that's gonna take some practice, some breakthroughs, some trial and error... lots of error in fact and tons of self-reflection. That's not gonna happen while you're…

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Guide to Focus and Momentum for Master Procrastinators

Guide to Focus and Momentum. Sometimes it's really difficult to stay focused on a task that we find boring or uninteresting and we can find ourselves procrastinating. Ok, maybe more than sometimes. I put together this guide to focus and momentum because¬† I'm a self-proclaimed master procrastinator. I figured others probably have a similar problem so I set out to find ways to help me to put a loving pressure on myself to access my flow state when I can't seem to stay away from the distractions. What is Procrastination? Procrastination is doing something you shouldn't be doing when you know you should be doing something else. When we get distracted by every new shiny thing we give away our power. We lose the ability to reach out for and accomplish our goals. Our overall life quality is restricted when we are unable to control our awareness. Eat And Sleep…

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How To Deal With Stress

How To Deal With Stress Stress comes and goes for most people. But some people don't have a clue how to deal with stress. It tends to linger and cause more drama than it's worth. If you hold onto your stress for long enough it can create mental health issues and even worse. So it's a good idea to have a few tools at your disposal to deal with it when it rears its ugly head. The reason we get stressed is usually that we're quite addicted to being in control. We tell ourselves a story about how this or that should be and then we get frustrated when we can't get our own way. As mature adults, we should have gained the capability of navigating stressful situations quite calmly. We should have been taught how to deal with stress as children. But unfortunately, many of us were never given…

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Inoffensive Ways to say ‘No’ Without Lying or Sacrificing Your Integrity

Here's a (hopefully ever-expanding) list of inoffensive ways to say 'NO' without lying or losing your integrity. Because too many of us get caught up doing stuff we don't want to do or even things that are detrimental to us, simply because we don't know how to say No, we don't want to upset others, we don't want to seem lazy or incompetent or we don't want to miss out. Trust me. none of these carry any weight. If you learn these inoffensive ways to say no, you might never be caught out again. NoThis is a complete sentence and the more people assert their No, the more widely it will be accepted as such. No explanations just No. I think I'll pass.Thanks but no thanks.Simple yet effective. I need to rest.Needing a rest is a perfectly acceptable reason to opt-out of something. I'm gonna have to say No to…

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The Beauty Of Vulnerability.

Do you recognise the beauty of vulnerability? I bet you don't. Most of us see only weakness in our vulnerabilities. We were raised to conceal them. We were told things like wipe your eyes, don't cry, don't be a baby or be a big boy when we were hurt. But you know what? That was so limiting. We deserved better than that, we should've been taught how to release our pain and emotions not to hide away like we don't all have weaknesses and vulnerability. It is truly beautiful to get to a place where we can be so authentic that we can let our vulnerabilities shine through. It shouldn't have to be but stepping into your vulnerability is courageous. Nobody's perfect and recognising the beauty of vulnerability will help you to accept that. It's liberating to admit our inefficiencies and bring them out into the open. It can help…

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The many Names and Faces of Fear.

Fear doesn't always just look or sound like 'oh no I'm not doing that I'm scared'. It can show itself in many ways. So here we begin to explore the ways we can uncover when we might actually be feeling fearful even if we recognise it as something else. Procrastination/ distraction/ /busywork: Wanna know why you're never getting onto that most important life-changing task? This is a big one. We are afraid of the outcome of the task. Will it be good enough? Will I be mocked or will you be humiliated? It'll probably all work out totally fine and if not you can probably handle it. But guess what you gotta take the leap and actually do it to find out. Self-criticism: You criticise yourself because others have and you're afraid they're right. You respect their point of view more than you respect your own. Accumulation: Fear of there…

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Are You People Pleasing Yourself Out Of A Life?

So you know that thing you said yes to earlier this week or perhaps even today? That you actually really don't want to do? That thing that's going to overstretch you, eat into your downtime or perhaps you even cancelled your own plans for? Yea that!! This message is for the people that find themselves regretting their yeses more often than not and resenting themselves and others as a result. Sorry, you can't blame others for taking advantage of you, this is on you. Your boundaries are lax. You give away your power every time you say yes when you want to say no. We've all done it on occasion. (I'm totally guilty). Some more than others, unfortunately, You guys seriously need some boundaries. I mean I get it you want to be helpful and you want to see the smile on peoples faces. to spread a little joy and…

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Embracing Anxiety: Doing The Difficult Things

Embracing Anxiety Introducing your Anxiety So who needs a pep talk? What have you been avoiding lately? I often find myself trapped and procrastinating over the very thing I know I should be doing. Anxiety is the perpetrator but before you scowl in its direction, know this. The answer and key to healing is in embracing anxiety. Anxiety gets alot of bad press and pushing it away and complaining about things is rarely the answer to any problem. It's just a protective mechanism really. It wants you to be safe.¬† What if I told you that your anxiety loves you? That it came to wrap you in a big warm hug and what did we do? We tried to push it away and we avoided the difficult things. Our protective barriers went up. We didn't know anxiety came to teach us some valuable lessons. So we never sought to learn…

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The Pit Of Despair

She tried to do normal, but it was hard. It stung, it itched, it irritated the very crevices of her soul. She didn't fit in, she had no qualms admitting that. She was lost, miserable, drowning in self pity. Everything about the mundanity of everyday life overwhelmed her. She was done bending over backwards to meet the needs of others. Her back was broken. She didn't know what to do to escape the pain. She longed for a familiarity she had only ever found in one place. She had tried to find it elsewhere but never could. She didn't really want to, but she didn't feel like she had much of a choice, She quietly climbed back into her pit of despair. It was where she felt safe. It was cold and damp and lonely and quite a few sizes too small. In fact it choked her a little but…

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